PREAMBLE
Personally, I think the current state of the White Sox is perfect. Hahn and company have done it. The rebuild is complete and the Sox won’t just be competing for championships this year, but every year until the ice caps melt and we are all too dead to care about baseball.
However, if I had to give any advice to my main man Rick, I would tell him the importance of doing something different. The teams that are successful right now are getting wins by staying with the times and trying something new. The Rays have just done away with starting pitchers. The Cubs used Joe Maddon’s wacky lineups. The Twins have given the entire team steroids. Teams have stopped bunting for some reason. A bunch of insane moves that have worked out for the most part. Well, I am here today with baseballs NEXT insane move…
ARBITRATION-ELIGIBLE PLAYERS
- Alex Colomé, $10.3M TENDER Not a nerdy stat guy but blown saves are way worse than converted saves.
- Yolmer Sánchez, $6.2M TENDER Who else are you going to trust with the Gatorade celebrations? Moncada? Get lost, Yolmer stays.
- James McCann, $4.9M I often think about making sweet and TENDER love to James.
- Carlos Rodon, $4.5M TENDON
- Leury García, $4M TENDER I wouldn’t want to see Jonnie Nonnie upset.
- Evan Marshall, $1.3M TENDER Need him around to see if he uses the same players’ weekend name again.
- Josh Osich, $1M NON-TENDER Who the hell is Josh Osich?
- Ryan Goins, $900K NON-TENDER Goins Goins Gone. I thought of that joke and anyone else who uses it is actually a thief.
CLUB OPTIONS
- Welington Castillo: $8 million/$500,000 buyout – DECLINE unless he decides to PICK UP the needle again. Either hit the roids or hit the road, pal.
OTHER IMPENDING FREE AGENTS
Try to retain, or let go?
- Jose Abreu (made $16M in 2019) – Keep Pito. He deserves to be here for all the championships we are about to win with my method.
- Iván Nova (made $9,166,167 in 2019) Keep him- 7th most groundball outs last year, which is very important to my plan.
- Jon Jay (made $4M in 2019) – Let Jay go. Outfield Depth is not important for my plan.
- Hector Santiago (made $2M in 2019 on split contract)- My plan on Hector is just simply to ignore the situation in hopes that everyone forgets that he exists. It already feels like we are pretty close to that point.
FREE AGENTS
No. 1: Tony Rendon- Blank Check.
This guy is really good. Anyone who thinks “Oh but then what do you do with Moncada and Madrigal” don’t you worry, because I have found a solution.
No. 2: Didi Gregorius- Whatever his higher offer is+ 1 penny
I don’t know, did you Gregorius? … send tweet.
No. 3: Adam Wainwright- an AARP Medicare card plus a Culver’s 500 gift card
According to a bleacher report article I found on google from 2012, Adam was the 5th best groundball pitcher in baseball.
TRADES
No. 1: NO TRADES! Our prospects are way too valuable and letting go of them would be the end of the world. Are they proven? Well no, but this is America and in this country, you are hall of fame path until proven bust.
SUMMARY
If you haven’t figured out my new insane move that is going to change the game of baseball forever yet, here it is. Feel free to reach out to tell me that I’m a genius. I don’t like to retweet compliments but I do enjoy getting them.
For some reason, people are divided on whether or not we should pursue the likes of Tony Rendon. They think that for some reason, Moncada standing at a different place to field ground balls when we are in the field will somehow make him a bad hitter again. They also refuse to give up Madrigal because of reasons, so Rendon would create an infield that has too many players in it. NOT ANYMORE!
The wonderful Beefloaf tweeted out this morning that he would like to see some of these posts where we get Didi and move Anderson to the outfield, which got me thinking. Why not just have 6 infielders playing at once? Hear me out…
Just clog that infield up. From left to right, Rendon, Moncada, Timmy, Didi, Little Nicky, and Abreu. No groundballs are getting through there. Which is EXACTLY why we keep ground ball pitchers like Nova, add old man Wainwright into the rotation and keep the ball from ever leaving the ground. Boom! Try getting hits through that infield.
“But Unprotected Sox, what if they hit the ball to the outfield!” Shut up, idiot. I just told you we are only gonna have ground ball pitchers and in the unlikely event that the ball does get hit into the outfield, we will have Luis Robert out there roaming. With shifts dominating baseball, we really only need to cover the pull side anyway. If La Pantera is really as good and fast as everyone says he is, he should have no problem covering the entire outfield by himself. If he can’t, then we need to keep him down in triple A until he can… or at least until the middle of April (wink wink).
Go Sox baby yes!
