Sox Machine: Chicago White Sox blog

White Sox, White House

First, Barack Obama acts likes a Sox fan on ESPN.

Then, Jeff Passan's writes a column about Carlos Quentin that can basically be boiled down to one phrase: Speak softly and carry a big stick.

So what choice do I have but to try to figure out which White Sox are which presidents?  Here's what I have so far, and feel free to help me out:



Paul Konerko: Franklin D. Roosevelt.  Konerko is the longest-tenured member of the White Sox, and his slumps tend to last for extended periods of time no matter how many changes he makes.  Also, it's unclear who would win in a foot race.

Juan Uribe: William Taft.  Stout! Portly! Rotund!  Oddly enough, when the latter became Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, he liked to start SCOTUS hearings with "Ooh! Ooh! Taft!"  True story.

Brian Anderson: Ulysses Grant.  Just as Grant's presidency never came close to matching his track record as a brilliant general, Anderson's major-league career has fallen well short of expectations.  Both have also been accused of carousing a little too much.

Joe Crede: Calvin Coolidge.  Doesn't say much, retreats to the country in the offseason.

Hawk Harrelson: Herbert Hoover.  H.H. the president was at the helm as the country went under, no thanks to his decisions.  You could say the same for the White Sox when they had an H.H. as the general manager.  Both saw the beginning of problems that would hamper their teams for the next decade.

Scott Linebrink: James Garfield.  Linebrink was a helluva lot more productive in his first half-season of a four-year term, but his mysterious and prolonged shoulder pain draws them together.  Like Linebrink, Garfield was hurt in early July, and by the end of August, still nobody knew if and when he was coming back.  Let's hope September is kinder to Linebrink.

Boone Logan: James Buchanan.  Enters bad situations, makes them worse, then leaves.

Orlando Cabrera: Zachary Taylor.  Both had reputations as great field generals, but their methods of leadership apparently didn't transfer over.  It's also likely Cabrera is gone after a year.

Jerry Owens: William Henry Harrison.  Neither made it out of the starting blocks.  Harrison's death marked the end of the Whigs; Owens' injury in spring training spelled the end for one-tool outfielders.

Alexei Ramirez:  James Polk.  Dark horse surprises everybody with his productivity once seizing the job.

Jim Thome: Abraham Lincoln.  Country folk from Illinois make good.  Remember, Lincoln wasn't appreciated nearly as much as he should've been during his presidency.

And here are some that come close to fitting, but not quite:

Mark Buehrle: Harry S Truman.  Both are Missourians who came from humble roots to secure their greatness in their respective fields by surprise.  The only problem: You'd think a pitcher with a slogan "The Buck Stops Here" wouldn't allow so many unearned runs.

A.J. Pierzynski:  Richard Nixon.  Except it's reversed: The public thinks Pierzynski is a crook, but he's never been caught.

John Danks:  Lyndon B. Johnson.  For his tendency to see promising starts end in disheartening losses.  Danks doesn't seem to have the dark side, though.

Gavin Floyd: Andrew Johnson.  Nice enough guy who was thrust into a situation he was utterly unprepared for, chewed up and spit out.  Floyd's working his way out of this reputation, and will kill it with a strong September.

Nick Swisher: Ronald Reagan.  Both came from California with plenty of experience in front of cameras, and opinions of their productivity and popularity vary wildly depending on whom you ask.  But Swisher doesn't have any signature moments for which he could be deified yet.

Jermaine Dye: Dwight Eisenhower.  Eisenhower really got a lot done during his two terms, but he's often overlooked because he was surrounded by more dynamic figures.  Alas, Ike's stance on Brown v. the Board of Education makes me a little too uneasy to carry it further.

That's what I have so far.  If anybody can jump in and think of comparables for Bobby Jenks, Matt Thornton and Ken Griffey Jr., then I'll gladly doff my cap.  For more information on presidents and ballplayers, consult your local library or The Hardball Times.

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Minor league roundup, Fay edition:

• Jacksonville 6, Birmingham 4
• Dewon Day, Fernando Hernandez and Brian Omogrosso failed to pitch well.
• Lee Cruz and Brandon Allen each hit solo homers.
• Helena 5, Great Falls 3
• Jesus Avila went 2-for-4 with a double and an RBI.
• Johny Celis hit a solo homer and scored two runs.
• Joshua Billeaud allowed three earned runs over six innings.
• Enrique Lechuga tossed 1 2/3 scoreless innings.
  
• Charlotte vs. Norfolk PPD
• Winston-Salem vs. Kinston PPD
• Kannapolis vs. Greensboro CANCELED
• Bristol vs. Pulaski CANCELED