Sox Machine

Turning bad baseball into good works

Listening to Hawk Harrelson give the "with every White Sox homer..." patter after Jermaine Dye's solo shot in the ninth inning of Wednesday night's blowout courtesy of the Twins, I had the idea that Alex Snelius should change his donation policy.

After all, Dye's blast into the left field seats was the 10th straight home run the White Sox have hit with the bases empty, and the second night in a row for Dye himself.  Going back further, 16 of the last 17 homers by White Sox hitters have been of the solo variety.  On the season, it's 29 of 40 -- nearly 75 percent.

That said, my first thought was that every White Sox solo homer should be worth $25, and every homer with a baserunner -- whether a two-run shot or a slam -- would be worth $325.  White Sox Charities would get their money, but it would embarrass the Sox in situations where they're trailing by 13 and are shut down by a guy who's matching his age on the radar gun.  Benevolence with a hint of sarcasm, in other words.

But then again, that would deny good charities money they could use for weeks, maybe months at a time.  So I figured maybe some corporations could turn failure on the field into aid for those in need by sponsoring the less-than-stellar events we've come to know and despise.  Here are a few examples in order of frequency:

$5:  "...and Uribe strikes out tomahawk swinging.  And as you know, with every high fastball Juan swings at, Lenscrafters will donate $5 to White Sox charities.  The next time you're thinking about eye-high fashion, think Lenscrafters."

$10:  "...the throw to first, and that's it for the Sox.  No runs, ho hits, no errors, and with every 1-2-3 inning, Sylvan Learning Centers will donate $10 to White Sox charities."

$20:  "...that's ball four, and the fans aren't happy about that.  I'll tell ya who's happy -- the fine folks at White Sox Charities thanks to Southwest Airlines, who will donate $20 for that late-inning walk.  Southwest Airlines offers more nonstop flights from Midway to Charlotte, Birmingham and dozens of other U.S. destinations."

$50:  "...BA's down swinging on a low-and-away slider for strike three, and with that swing, Jared Galleria of Jewelry will donate $50 to White Sox charities.  Jared reminds you that if you're thinking about going down on one knee for someone in your life, Jared offers the widest selection of rings..."

$100:  "...and this ballgame is over.  A fine pitching performance by Javier Vazquez wasted, and with every outstanding effort that goes for naught, U-Haul will donate $100 to White Sox charities.  If you're packing up on short notice, U-Haul has a variety of options..."

If you have any more ideas, share them.  It's for the kids.

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By the way, Mike Downey took deflating the doll controversy to another level.

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Minor league roundup:

• Scranton-Wilkes/Barre 5, Charlotte 1
• Chris Getz went 2-for-4 with a pair of doubles.
• Jason Bourgeois went 1-for-4 with the lone run scored; Jerry Owens walked and stole his ninth base.
• Tomo Ohka was roughed up over four innings and dropped to 0-6.
• Montgomery 16, Birmingham 10
• Justin Cassell gave up more runs (9) in his 4 2/3 innings today than he had all season (8).
• Fernando Hernandez pitched two-thirds of an inning.  He gave up four hits and hit a batter, and all his runners came around to score.
• Dave Cook went 3-for-4 with two doubles, a two-run homer and a walk.  He drove in three and scored three times.
• Thomas Collaro, Cole Armstrong and Robert Hudson also went deep.
• Lynchburg 10, Winston-Salem 2
• Francisco Hernandez had his best game to date -- 2-for-2, a solo homer and two walks.
  
• Jacob Rasner was hit hard for a second consecutive outing (4 IP, 8 H, 5 ER).
• Salvador Sanchez hit a solo homer.
• Kannapolis OFF

Note: Josh Fields was placed on the DL with right patellar tendinitis.